SACRAMENTO, Calif. – A federal judge Friday overturned California’s three-decade-old ban on assault weapons, ruling that it violates the constitutional right to bear arms. “Like the Swiss Army knife, the popular AR-15 rifle is a perfect combination of home defense weapon and homeland defense equipment. Good for both home and battle,” the judge said in his ruling’s introduction.

OMG! Good for both home and battle? What battles do we need to be ready for in our homes or in our towns? Perhaps if my one crazed neighbor down the street gets scared and starts firing his AR-15, I could calmly walk over with my fully-equipped Swiss and offer to open a wine bottle with the corkscrew or trim his beard with the scissors. That should surely de-escalate things.